cryogenics and you.

This morning I heard that Simon Cowell was planning to freeze his dead body so that someone in the future could cure what killed him and bring him back to life. That way American Idol won't have to end at season 48 and can go down in the shitty television programming hall of fame where it can continue to torment our childrens children just as it torments us.

Call me naive, but I never watched The Island or Austin Powers and thought, "where can I get my hands on one of those snazzy body freezers" because I never thought they were actually real. The possibility that these things do exist excites me and adds yet another thing to my bucket list.

I say bucket list as in, "things to do before I die", which is the part of the frozen bodies concept that Simon doesn't seem to understand. I was under the impression that you had to freeze your body before you died in order to come back to life in the future.

If you have cancer, and you die from cancer - I highly doubt that even copious amounts of anti-cancer serum will cure you. I assume this because science has taught me that dead means dead.

Unless your a zombie.

So, in that case, to freezing bodies I say, no sir!. Not only do we not want Simon Cowell eating the brains of the losing contestants during Season 682 of American Idol, but I don't want to watch "Dawn of the Dead" under the context that it is a documentary.

And in under just five minutes, I have already crossed one more thing off my bucket list.

Freeze Body.